Cover Letters from Job Seekers: Can be Fun

sent by Shantanu Biswas

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Cover letter: "I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest convenience to discuss what I can do to your company."
That's what we're afraid of ...

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Resume: "It is my professional objective to obtain a position which allows me to make use of my commuter skills."
I think we can oblige.

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Weaknesses: "Suffer from prickly heat in summer."
Sounds uncomfortable.

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Cover letter: "Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure."
We can hardly wait.

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Cover letter: "You are privileged to receive my resume."
We'll try not to let it go to our heads.

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Objective: "To mature in the field of human behavior."
Good luck with that.

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Experience: "10 years of experience in financail budgiting and transactions rigistering."
But limited experience with the spell-check function.

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Cover letter: "Please overlook my resume."
If you insist.

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Cover letter: "I'm submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption."
Yum.

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Skills: "Grate communication skills."
Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?

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Experience: "Responsibilities included recruiting, screening, interviewing and executing final candidates."
Seems kind of harsh ...

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Cover letter: "Salary demanded - $65,000."
Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?

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Strengths: "Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?

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Education: "B.A. in Loberal Arts."
Did you minor in ear piercing?

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Cover letter: "I've updated my resume so it's more appalling to employers."
We're pretty shocked already ...

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Cover letter: "Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable."
Glad to hear it.

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Cover letter: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.

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